Children vs. Chattel

child noun, often attributive \ˈchī(-ə)ld\; plural chil·dren\ˈchil-drən, -dərn\

a : a young person especially between infancy and youth b : a childlike or childish person c : a person not yet of age

b : a son or daughter of human parents

chat·tel noun \ˈcha-t^əl\

 a: an item of tangible movable or immovable property except real estate

b: things (as buildings) connected with real property

par·ent noun \ˈper-ənt\

a : one that begets or brings forth offspring

b : a person who brings up and cares for another

Last week I talked about my friend Lona, whose home was destroyed by a tornado, and compared the destruction of a tornado to the devastation of divorce.  To paraphrase Paul Harvey, now for the rest of the story . . .

The family is the first institution created by God; He hates to see a family split apart.  In today’s society, however, our free will and our unfortunate choices probably make divorce inevitable.

When a couple is going through the trauma of a divorce, their home being ripped to shreds, everything they have shared becomes a battleground.  Enter their children.  The most common two things we hear from divorcing couples are, “He/she is never going to get my children.” And, “If I have to pay child support, I am going to take the children.”  Think about that for a moment.

The children have become chattel, or property.  They are used as weapons, as bargaining chips and as go-betweens for parents who can no longer communicate.   The children, whose home is now cracked and crumbling, need extra love, attention and support.  Instead they are pushed and pulled and prodded until they have no anchor; no safe place.  They are a big part of something they barely understand; they are lost in the battle of bitterness and blame.

What happens to these children?  They act out; their grades drop; they begin to dread being at home.  They aren’t nice or polite to either parent for fear of being accused of taking sides; or they begin to manipulate both parents by pretending to take sides.  Sometimes they have to become the grown-up, as in “he’s my little man” or “she’s just like a little mother to her sister.”  I doubt this is what the parents intended; I know this is not what the Lord would want.

In my office, we take children’s rights seriously.  We require that our clients read, review and sometimes re-read and re-review the Children’s Bill of Rights.  We ask our clients to attend parenting classes, whether the court requires it or not, and we remind our clients that they are parents first.

           Parents can be a blessing to their children even through the haze of pain they are experiencing as their world is torn apart.  They can set a good example by behaving as adults, they can insulate their children from arguments whenever possible, and they can put the best interest of the child first.

Legal Professionals can also be a blessing to the children of divorcing couples.  Divorce Lawyers can attempt to settle cases quickly and expeditiously; they can refuse to use the children as negotiation points; they can protect the very ones who are hurt the most and who have the least control over the situation. Paralegals and staff in law firms can provide support and encouragement for parents who are attempting to be strong and courageous and upright, helping to sustain the family’s values – and the value of the family – in what can be an untenable situation.

Sydney’s Law:  “Praise the LORD! Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who greatly delights in his commandments! (2) His offspring will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed.” -- Psalms 112:1-2