Smart vs Savvy ("Taking Matters Into Our Own Hands")

Smärt

Adj. Characterized by sharp quick thought; bright.

Sav vy

Adj. Wisdom, Comprehension; knowledge, mental grasp; also, practical know-how; common sense. 

In our office, and in our lives, we find that there are an awful lot of smart people who make foolish choices, particularly when emotions are running high.  Just this week, a very dear friend of ours made a decision to ignore the wise counsel of his attorney and to “take matters into his own hands.”  That decision immediately cost him enormous heartache; it will ultimately prove to be prohibitively expensive.  He is really smart, but not very savvy, at least not at this particular time in his life.

We all do it.  We hire attorneys, dentists, doctors, personal trainers, psychologists, psychiatrists, auto repairmen, tutors, construction contractors and life coaches.  We pay them for their professional advice and counsel.  Then we, like my friend, “take matters into our own hands,” usually to our detriment. 

If we are not busy seeking out and compensating professionals for their wisdom, we are spending countless hours talking to our friends and family members, our preachers and teachers, our office mates and teammates  about our various issues.  We earnestly seek their opinion, and “then take matters into our own hands.”

What is particularly interesting about this curiously human tendency is that we are shocked when things do not go well for us.  We think, erroneously, by “taking matters into our own hands,” we will achieve the results we desire.  We believe we will be in control.  So we self-diagnose, self-medicate, self-help and self-destruct.

Nowhere is this phenomenon more evident (even epidemic) than when we find ourselves in need of the services of a divorce attorney.  My husband, Bob Leonard, of the Bob Leonard Law Group, is Board Certified in Family Law.  He has the wisdom gained through many years of experience.  He has always said that our divorce clients are really good people who we see when they are on their worst behavior, and our criminal clients are bad people we see when they are on their best behavior.  That is an oversimplification, but largely true nonetheless. 

When you are faced with the break-up of a marriage, particularly when you have children still at home, or significant property at stake, reason flies out the window.  You are generally a smart, witty, brave, generous, loving and kind individual.  Right now, though, you want to “take matters into your own hands.”  Don’t do it!

Please pause, take a deep breath, say a prayer and go see a good divorce lawyer.  Listen to your lawyer and follow his/her advice.  By doing this, you are actually exercising more control than when you “take matters into your own hands.”  You are already smart; we can help you make wise decisions.  Now that’s savvy!

“But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.” – James 3:17

Feast vs. Famine

“It’s either feast or famine.” You’ve heard the expression; you probably have a general idea of what it means.  In modern day vernacular, we generally use the idiom to signify that things are either going very well or very badly with no in-between, i.e., success or failure.  In its original form, it was “feast or fast” which pairs two more precisely opposite terms.  For today’s split, step, blended, extended and otherwise non-nuclear, non-traditional families, Thanksgiving brings a little of each.  

For divorced parents who are splitting the time they have with their children over the holiday, the mindset has become largely either/or.  Either the children are with me or they are with my ex-husband.  Either we do Thanksgiving dinner the way WE (meaning MY family) has always done it, or we do it the way THEY (HER family) has always done it.   Either I have the children when I want them or she has them when she wants them.  In a nutshell, what we are saying is, it is either my way (the right way) or his way (the wrong way). . . feast or famine.

Stop a moment and look at it through the eyes of your children.  For the little ones, Thanksgiving is a time to outline their hands with crayons to make paper turkeys for place cards; a time to color bountiful baskets of colorful fruits and vegetables; and a time to gaze in wonder as a gigantic Barney balloon towers over Cinderella’s float in the Macy’s parade.  For the middle-schoolers, Thanksgiving is a time to help in the kitchen, learning to prepare a ‘secret’ family recipe of green beans mixed with Campbell’s soup and Durkee onions.  For the high school and college crowd, Thanksgiving is all the memories of previous years rushing in while the turkey sizzles in the oven and the (UT or A&M) football team rushes onto the field ready to crush the opponent.

The Thanksgiving feast isn’t just about the food, although feast is certainly an apt description.   It is about the feast for the eyes that view loved ones gathered at the same table; it is about the abundance of love we feel for our family.  It is a whole season of joy and blessing culminating in one special meal.

The feast part is fun to describe; the famine, not so much.  The famine is the silence in the house before the children come and after they are gone.  The famine is the empty spot in your heart where your family once lived.  When the Bible addresses famine, the instruction is to prepare for famine by storing up supplies.  The Bible also promises that God will protect his people in times of famine. 

Today, we can look to these truths as we get ready for our holiday.  Some suggestions for success are: 1) Prepare yourself by making plans to do something you enjoy during the times in the week when your child is with the other parent;  2) Store up joyful memories by making the most of the time you are together;  3) Remember and give thanks for God’s promises for you and your loved ones; and, finally, 4) Instead of looking at the way “WE” do it or “THEY” do it, create traditions that are OURS to remember.

If you think about it, is not such a bad thing to have both feast and famine.  After all, opposites attract and without the famine we would not truly appreciate the feast.

Sydney’s Law:  “Let them give thanks to the Lord for his faithful love.  Let them give thanks for the miracles he does for his people.” -- Psalm 107:8

Valor vs. Victory

Every time I hear the Star Spangled Banner, I get a little chill and a few tears come to my eyes; same thing happens with America the Beautiful.  When I say that, it makes me sound emotional and a little sappy, and frankly, I am neither.  In fact, I am probably a little too stoic for my own good.  But those songs strike a chord deep within my soul.  I feel the same way when I see the flag pass by in a parade or a soldier dressed in a crisp uniform.

Today is Veteran’s Day.  My office is blessed with four veterans – three men and one woman.  Each served this country proudly and at least one still bears some of the leftover scars of Viet Nam.  Thinking about the men and women who served our country in the past and who are serving today, I am reminded of how much we owe each and every one.  I am reminded that America is still beautiful because of their commitment to maintaining our freedom and to their courage . . . their valor.

Valor literally means strength; strength of mind that enables a person to face danger bravely and firmly; strength that creates heroes.  The goal of a soldier is victory, which we all know means to win; to conquer against all odds; to prevail and to achieve success in a struggle; or to overcome an obstacle.

Parties facing legal struggles, including divorce and custody battles, want to prevail.   Like soldiers, the clients and the attorneys march forward; sometimes we do not count the cost.  We forget to bring valor into the equation; we leave heroic strength behind like a fallen comrade, hoping to retrieve it later, when there is a lull in the fighting.

The problem with leaving valor behind is that we fail to take the steps needed to achieve a positive result.  We scorch the earth and throw grenades from behind our bunkers, but we rarely display the bravery necessary for justice.  If valor is in the mix, combating parents can become brave enough to put the children first and to recognize that guerilla warfare may not be in the long-term best interest of the family.  A final order can only work as a peace treaty if there is valor present.

In 1918, in the 11^th hour, on the 11^th day, of the 11^th month, World War I came to a long-awaited end with the cease-fire (armistice) between battle weary German forces and the Allied troops.  Although the Treaty of Versailles was not signed until June of 1919, the war was, for all intents and purposes, over.  In 1919, President Wilson proclaimed November 11^th as the first Armistice Day in remembrance of all of the lives which were tragically lost in the war.  In proclaiming November 11^th, now called Veteran’s Day, a national holiday, Congress called upon the nation to “perpetuate peace through good will and mutual understanding.” 

Today we honor our military personnel for their valor and their courage under fire.  We salute their willingness to put the lives and welfare of others ahead of their own.  We hope that we at home can live up to the sacrifices our armed forces are willing – even eager – to make for us.  We pray that we can be as brave, honorable and noble on the home front and in our daily lives as our soldiers are overseas.

Victory is sometimes called ‘hollow’ or ‘empty’; winning isn’t everything, and sometimes it is nothing.  Over and over we hear “at what price victory?”  Valor is always steady, always true and always certain.  Which will you choose?

Syd’s Law:  For Our Soldiers...(and for those who battle here at home):  "Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." – Joshua 1:9